Over this holiday season (Thanksgiving, Christmas) we all are given a little break in our busy pace to enjoy simple things- family, friends, good food, good football (or if you’re a vikes fan, mediocre football).

It also gives us time to think about, introspectively, who we really are and who we really have come to be.  Am I truly a cheerful giver?  Do i really have the peace and joy that belief in Christ really provides?  How selfish with my time am I, really?  Do I really love my family, and actually desire to love them sacrificially?  Honest, often times awkward, self examining questions.

In the New Testament, the book of John has a lot to say about examining your life.  John 10:10 Jesus says ‘I have come to give you life, and life to the full’ (paraphrased version).  Knowing Jesus’ heart for our lives, gives me his eyes for how He sees my life…is it truly ‘life to the full’ or richly satisfying?  If we’re honest, we all desire a ‘full life’ but we really want it without Jesus.

I’ll be honest, I want the ‘full life’ but I often equate it with the “American dream” or something like it. My version of ‘full life’ is enough money in the account to be ‘safe’. two quality cars in the garage to be ‘safe’, healthy kids and a healthy wife so everyone is ‘safe’.  Is this really what Jesus meant when he promised us a ‘full life’?

To me, it’s got to be something bigger.  A purpose, a plan, an epic battle for good, truth, righteousness, purity.  Something to make your blood boil and something to fight for if need be.  As I get closer to knowing who Jesus Christ really is, I see His life as a life full of struggle with evil, full of conflict and betrayal and inner struggle with His relationship with His Father.  I see His life full of serving others at a great sacrifice to Himself, training a group of idiotic guys and still loving them the whole time, and then dying for a bunch of clowns like me who would reject him, spit in His face, and even still mock Him today….yet He did it all because this was what ‘full life’ meant to Him.

So then I gaze inwardly to myself again and see how my ‘full life’ is much different than Jesus’ version of  a ‘full life’.  Suffering for doing what is good, serving people that could care less, seeing a few people ‘get it’ but only once in a while.  Caring for people and weeping with them when they struggle.  What can I do to have this kind of ‘full life’?  What can we do to experience the life that’s really worth living, as a follower of Jesus?

So I know look into 2010 with a gratitude for my Father God, and what He has done to provide me His Son and His blood shed for my sin.  His love for me is too incredible to describe here, and it leaves me in wonder of who He really is…how could He be this kind and what could He want with me?

I look forward to having His continual guidance, those times with my Father where he calmly lets me know when Im off track, or when to encourage me on in something.  I want to listen to His Word and spend time hearing His voice to guide my marriage, my parenting, my pastoring.  I want to have this ‘full life’ that Jesus bled and died to give me.

Im a dad and husband with limited time- “Father, inside the home, what can I do for you to expand your Kingdom?  Jesus, outside the home, how can I serve you to see others come to know You?  Speak directly, quickly, and specifically, and help me to follow you, as you lead.”

This will be a fast post.  Fast post because I am going to be a dad of TWO KIDS this month!  My 2 yr old Justus will have a baby brother or sister, due on Jan 13th…its a Wednesday.  Guess it will be easy getting over that Wed hump.

Another reason this is a fast post, is because its almost Christmas week.  Fast because our American Christmased culture doesnt give us time to think or reflect on what the incarnation of Jesus really means.   Fast because we need to rush all over town and decorate all over the house.  Fast because we plan work parties for every night of the week…her work party, his work party, her friends party, his friends party (usually playing cards in a cold garage).

But wait, slow down with me for this last sentence of true Christmas cheer.  Jesus, I repent of this American Christmased culture, my selfish desire for more stuff, and ask you what the thief on the cross asked you “Jesus, remember me when you come in your kingdom.”

You sometimes wonder about Jesus’ relationship with his parents- did his parents ever accuse him of abandoning them, or treating them as ‘second rate’, or were his parents cold towards him and show him enough affection?  Obviously Jesus never sinned, so his response to any wounding would not have been retribution but an offer to reconciliation.  But something, for me, lingers.

If Jesus was fully human (and fully God), then he must have felt SOME kind of woundedness from his parents.  He must have internalized the hurtful comments, or misunderstandings about his ministry.  Even his own brother James is said not to have believed in Jesus until after Jesus’ death and resurrection.  So if his family did wound him (which all families do), then he must have felt the pain in some way.

The reason I ask the question is two fold; 1) If Jesus felt woundedness from his parents, how did he deal with it?  2) Besides the Sunday School answer of “Because He was God”, how was Jesus able to rise above retribution and anger for his family’s problems? (Like I said, every family has their closets.)

My mind immediately goes to Jesus relationship with His Father in heaven.  Before you yawn at this, and begin dozing off, hear me out…Jesus practically and purposefully must have relied on this relationship with His Father God in very real ways during the day- how else could he have gotten through the constant misunderstandings his family mus have had about him?

If you read the gospels, He is constantly taking time to actually listen for the Father’s voice in prayer, during His ministry, and while he is teaching his disciples.  Sometimes he doesnt even wait for the isolated spot on the hillside, he simply speaks and what He hears His Father saying.  This is the kind of intimacy that this blog is dedicated to…real, practical, and personal intimacy with the Father God- letting God father you through all of life.

As ordinary (but specially chosen) human beings, Jesus’ parents were sinful just like any one of us- greed, pride, anger, selfishness, distrust…you name it, they felt it, thought it, and did it.   It is still just as amazing, even though Jesus is fully God, that in his humanity he honored his mom and dad and didnt seek retribution or repayment for their evil deeds against him.  He loved them, and demonstrated extraordinary patience for them.  So much so, Mary was still at the cross when Jesus died.  This could have only come from his intimacy with the Father God, even though he experienced real wounding from his own parents.

Last month I went to a mens conference hosted by John Eldredge of ‘Ransomed Heart Ministries’ in Buena Vista, CO.  We left with a picture of how our own earthly dads treated us, and how we treated them.  My life was filled with retribution and repayment for the wrongs against me.  Some real, and some made up in my mind.  I knew I needed to talk to my dad when I returned from the conference to be able to clear the air, and follow Jesus’ model of reconciliation and restoring those old, broken places in our relationship with my mom and dad.

We had them over for dinner one evening, the week I returned from CO.  The conversation paused for a bit, and the Holy Spirit kicked me in the teeth and said “Jeff, are you going to ‘man up’ or was it all about a stupid conference?”  I set my fork down, swallowed my sense of dignity, and asked my mom and dad if I could share something with them.  They got scared initially and then agreed.  What followed was a free conversation of affirmation, love, encouragement, and hope for a bright future between us, my wife, and my two kids.  We left that conversation with a new freedom in the air, and the ability to express love to one another that hadnt been there before.

I wish I could tell you that my dad said a lot of mushy things, but thats not my dad.  I know he loves me, and he knows I love him.  We’re working on the intimacy of our relationship because it really has never been there before.  Hopefully this small step will lead me to a greater intimacy with my Father God, and eventually influence my parents to become followers of Jesus- who would do anything to see his parents in a love relationship with His Father.